Go West, Young Zombie!

Have they moved Halloween to April? I've been getting some pretty weird emails thin month. Sure, I hear from a few freaks and head cases every month, but April has been decidedly strange. This week I'll be offering advice to a young lad who may have called forth the zombie apocalypse we've all been hearing about. Let's see how it all turns out.

Oh yeah, before we get to that, I should mention that I've gotten into the occasional legal scrape in the past, so my lawyer says that I have to tell you some boring legal stuff. I hate that guy!Here's the deal:

I'm not your therapist. In fact I'm not a therapist at all. I am not licensed and never went to college. Hell, they won't even give me a fishing license; you think they're going to give me unfettered access to antipsychotic meds? I only do this column to amuse myself at your expense.

Follow any advice you find here at your own peril. I just make this shit up as I go along, people. Read it all you want. Bookmark it, share it, whatever; but if you're dumb enough to actually take my advice, you deserve whatever you get.

Ain't Love Grand?

Today we're helping a nice couple celebrate 38 years of marriage and exploring one of the wonders of our solar system. But first, my attorney insists that I tell you a couple of things.

I'm not your therapist. In fact I'm not a therapist at all. I am not licensed and never went to college. Hell, they won't even give me a fishing license; you think they're going to let me mess around in someone's head? I only do this column to amuse myself at your expense.

Follow any advice you find here at your own peril. I just make this shit up as I go along. Read it all you want. Bookmark it, share it, whatever; but if you're dumb enough to actually take my advice, you deserve whatever you get.

The Meaning of Life and The Secret To Eternal Happiness

My inbox has been inundated with letters from fans seeking advice. Who am I to deprive you of my genius, life experience, and genius (Yes, I know I said genius twice). But before I answer any question or offer my invaluable advice, we need to get a couple of things taken care of, right up front. Here's the deal:

I'm not your therapist. In fact I'm not a therapist at all. I am not licensed and never went to college. They won't even give me a fishing license; you think they're going to give me unfettered access to antipsychotic meds? Hell no! I only do this column to amuse myself at your expense.

Follow any advice you find here at your own peril. I just make this shit up as I go along, people. Read it all you want. Bookmark it, share it, whatever; but if you're dumb enough to actually take my advice, you deserve whatever you get.

Advice For The Broken Hearted

 It's time for Ask The Jackalope! I have lots of great advice to hand out this week, so let's get some legal crap out of the way and get right down to business.

Disclaimer- I'm not your therapist. In fact I'm not a therapist at all. I am not licensed and never went to college. I only do this column to amuse myself at your expense.

Follow any advice you find here at your own peril. I just make this shit up as I go along. Read it all you want. Bookmark it, share it, whatever; but if you're dumb enough to actually take my advice, you deserve whatever you get.

Now that we have that all taken care of, let's see what's in the mailbag.